Not Who You Think
by zimmm
Summary: Eli Goldsworthy moves to Degrassi after his Girlfriend, Julia, dies. He finds a new love, Clare Edwards. He starts having hallucinations about Julia, causing trouble in his life.
1. Isn't the Sky Beautiful?

I held Clare so close to me, I felt her heat generate through me. The winter air around us had no affect on my temperature. I always felt warm around Clare. She had this affect on me, I felt hypnotized. She stared into my eyes, her cheeks red and rosy from the cold. Her fingers touched my cheek, and slid down them. I held her closer. Her face moved closer into mine, and I kissed her so gently. We stopped kissing for a moment, just long enough for me to whisper, "I love you, Clare Edwards." She kissed me again, a little more heavy than the last, her tongue slipping between my lips. Both of her hands held the back of my neck, my hands on her back, around her waist, just holding her. It all felt so right. I leaned up against the tree, still kissing Clare, the cold, dark air surrounding us. Our lips broke apart, and she whispered, "I love you, too. More than you know."

I look her hand, and she sat down next to me. We rested against the tree I was leaning against, and her head fell against my shoulder. I stared up into the starry night. I should of been thinking about how much I loved Clare. My future with Clare, my life with Clare. But I couldn't. I couldn't get the image of Julia out of my mind. All of a sudden, I heard Julia's voice next to me.

"Eli, isn't the sky beautiful?" I turned to look at Clare, but it wasn't Clare. It was Julia.

"What!" I was so confused. My head started to have a throbbing pain on the side of my head, but I didn't care. Julia was right in front of me, and all I thought about, was kissing her. So I did. My lips touched Julia's lips, and we started to kiss. It was a soft kiss at first, then turned into such a passionate kiss. I leaned back, my back touching the ground, and Julia on top of me. We stopped for just a second, our faces inches apart, my eyes still closed, when I murmured to her,

"I missed you, Julie-Bear." I went to go kiss Julia again, when she pulled away. I opened my eyes to see Clare on top of me, instead of Julia. Clare's eyes were wide, her eyebrows raised.

"What did you just say...?" I was shocked. What happened to Julia! I looked around the park to see no one, other than us. Where had Julia gone?

"Clare?" I said with a puzzled look on my face. I had been kissing Clare?

"What...? Why are you surprised to see me?"

"No, no...sorry. I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. It's 3am in the morning." I gulped, looking into Clare's deep blue eyes, trying to find if she believed what I had been saying. I saw something in them, something that knew that I wasn't tired, and what I had really said. I was afraid she would get mad. Clare stood up, and right when I thought she was going to walk away, she gave me her hand and helped me up off the ground.

"Then let's just go. I'm kind of tired, too. Morty is over there, right?" She pointed in a direction, where I parked Morty behind a huge tree on the street.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on. It's getting really cold out here, too. You're lips even look blue, Clare." She stifled a grin, took my hand, and we started to walk towards my hearse.

"Are you sleeping over tonight, again?" I looked at her, waiting for an answer.

"Nahh. My mom would flip, again. Besides, church tomorrow. 8am, bright and early." She rolled her eyes and chuckled. I gave her a smirk. I looked up into the sky again, then looked back at Clare. When I looked at her, I swear it was Julia. I closed my eyes, opened them, and found Clare back holding my hand, not Julia. What was going on?


	2. This Dream

I laid on the ground of my bedroom, my eyes closed, remembering Julia. I remember feeling the touch of her hand, her signature smell, the laugh that always made me smile. I could still feel her lips touching mine 2 hours ago, in the park. I knew it was Julia, it couldn't of been Clare. It even smelt like Julia. Julia had this sort of amazing smell, lavender sort of. I knew whenever she was around, just by her smell. If she was coming up behind me, I knew it was Julia because the smell filled my nose, and every single time, I knew it was her. Clare doesn't smell like Julia. Clare smells like...Clare. She didn't wear perfume, but still had a smell to her that I can't quite figure out what it was. But I know for sure, that Clare didn't smell like Julia.

I took out notepad and pen, and started furiously scribbling all over the paper, words coming out of my mind, onto the paper. I wrote so hard and fast, that my hand started cramping up. Minutes flew by me, as I still wrote on. A letter to Julia, telling her exactly how I felt. No one knew how I felt. Everyone always assumed. The only person who would know, is Julia. I looked over the long letter once more, then folded it up nice and neat and stored it in an empty shoe box I found lying in my closet.

_I closed my eyes once more, and smelt Julia instantly. I could see her face, and the image of her filled up my head as I dreamed about her. I felt a cool autumn breeze around me that lifted up Julia's dark brown hair. Her back was turned to me, and I couldn't see her face. I looked around myself, and saw that I was in the same park Clare and I were in just a couple of hours ago, and the same park Julia and I used to go to. I remember having this dream so many times before. I took a step closer to Julia, trying to see if she knew I was there. I spoke out, trying to get her attention._

_"Julie-Bear, baby. can you hear me?" She still didn't turn around. The wind just kept on furiously flying her hair around everywhere. The wind kicked up, and leaves started flying everywhere around us, trees swaying, wind howling. I took another step forward, towards Julia._

_"JULIA!" She started walking away, walking and walking. She turned around to look at me, and I saw that she was crying. I started running towards her, as she ran away from me._

_"JULIA! COME HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" All of a sudden, she had stopped running. She turned around instantly and yelled,_

_"STOP IT, ELI." A confused look came across my face as I started to walk towards her. _

_"No, don't walk towards me. Stop running after me. Just stop it. I can't..."_

_"What are you talking about, Julia? Why don't you want me with you?" She wiped her hand across her cheek to get rid of the tears streaming down her face. _

_"Eli, I...I'm cheating on you. With AJ. I'm so sorry. I really am." Those words nailed at my brain, digging deeper and deeper inside. Every time she said those exact words in my dreams, it felt like my heart stopped beating for a moment in real life. Tears came to my eyes as I forced myself to speak. _

_"With AJ? That senior?" She nodded._

_"...What happened with you two?" It looked as if she couldn't talk. She just kept on shaking her head, back and forth, crying._

_"JULIA. ANSWER ME." She started bawling, and turned away. Her feet walked away from me. I didn't even have to think about what I was going to do next. My feet started pounding as I ran fast, running after Julia. She didn't stop walking, but she didn't start running. I caught up to her, and flew her around so she was looking at me. _

_"Julie-Bear...you can tell me." She sniffed, and started to speak. _

_"I lied to you, and told you I was going over Alyssa's house a month ago. I went to Luke's house party instead. Do you remember that night? The night you went out of town with your family? I didn't want you getting nervous if I went to Luke's. So I lied. I met AJ there. I was drunk...and we..." She took a deep breath and looked away from me, away from my gaze. _

_"I slept with him, Eli. I was drunk and stupid, and I'm sorry." I looked at her, deep into her eyes. I never even thought she would do this to me. It looked like she was done speaking, but she was far from done._

_"After that night, I knew it was a mistake. But I couldn't get him out of my mind. He treated me so right. He told me how he felt about me, and I told him how I felt about him."_

_"And how do you feel about him, Julia?" Anger was in my voice, but it was calm. I was trying to keep calm. I couldn't. I couldn't imagine another man with my sweet Julia. My Julia. MY Julia. Someone else touching her, kissing her, getting to hold her and tell her everything was alright. _

_"I like him. A lot. I don't know...but I think I love him." It felt as if someone had hit me in the gut, ripped it open, and tore out everything that was inside of me. I felt so empty, cold, and alone. My eyes started to tear up, and my fists clenched. I took a deep breath. _

_"Leave." She looked up at me, a questioning look on her face. I repeated myself again._

_"Leave, Julia. I don't want to look at you." _

_"No...no. Eli, I love you. Please don't be mad." That's all it took for me to erupt. _

_"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JULIA. LEAVE ME. NOW. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU." _

_"Eli, stop it! We nee-"_

_"FUCK OFF, JULIA." I pushed her to the direction I wanted her to go in, and she tripped backwards. I stormed off, not even knowing where I was going. I started crying, unable to keep everything that was ready to come out. I thrashed about, hitting everything I passed. _

I woke up in a hot sweat, breathing hard. I hated having that dream. It relived the last moment I had with Julia, and just about the worst memory of my life. A tear slid down my cheek just thinking about her. I couldn't stand it. I whispered, "Julie-Bear. Are you there?" I heard the tree's shake as a wind passed. Julia was here. She could see how much I missed her. She would be so mad if she ever saw how messed up I really am now.


	3. What are You Doing?

**Eli's POV.**

The weekend was rough, and I spent all sunday in my room, thinking about Julia. Not all day, exactly. But most of it. I tried going for a walk, because I needed to get out of the house, but anything I saw, reminded me of Julia. I just decided to stay inside all day. Sunday dragged on, finally coming to the point where I passed out on the floor again, pen in hand, another letter to Julia underneath of my head as I slept.

"Eli, the bell is about to ring. We need to get to English class!" I rolled my eyes as Clare took my hand and dragged me down the hallway to English class. Her soft hands tightened around mine as the bell rang. I knew she hated being late for class, and so I caught up to her speed and jogged next to her, instead of dragging behind her. Our were still intertwined, and I looked up at her, and smiled. The English classroom was to our right, and we went inside and slid into our seats, the teacher not even noticing us. Ms. Dawes starts talking and writing on the board, and I turn around to face Clare.

"See, Clare? I knew we'd make it without Ms. Dawes noticing us. We never get caught." She gave me a chuckle and smiled.

"That's because we've had too much practice, sneaking into late classes. We need to break that habit, Eli." I gave her a smirk, then turned around at the exact moment the classroom door opened, and in came a beautiful looking girl. Her long, straight, dark brown hair flowed down her back. It was scary how identical she looked to Julia. Her facial expressions were identical. The way she moved. Her face. Her eyes, her lips, her nose, her hair. Almost an exact replica of Julia. She had a piece of paper in her hand, and looked around the room nervously. Her dark brown eyes looked at the teacher, still standing at the door. I heard a voice behind me, saying "Who is THAT?". It sounded like Clares voice. I didn't respond. The girl took a few steps toward Ms. Dawes, clearing her throat a little bit. The teacher turned around, and she looked confused for a moment, until the look of realization came across her face, and Ms. Dawes spoke.

"Are you Ruby Dobson?" The girl nodded, and Ms. Dawes faced the class.

"Everybody, this is Ruby Dobson. She is a new student here at Degrassi, please make her feel welcome." She turned to face Ruby, and said to her, "You can go sit in the third row to the left, third seat from the back. Right next to Eli." My heart fluttered when Ms. Dawes told Rue where to sit. Right next to me. She walked down the isle, and sat down in the empty desk to my left. She looked at me and smiled.

"So, you must be Eli, right?" She smiled, and I responded. "And you must be Ruby." Her face scrunched up, and said, "Don't call me Ruby. Everyone calls me Rue. Except that teacher..." Just at that moment, Ms. Dawes says "Ruby, are you familiar with Shakespeare?" I laughed when Rue tried to hide her scrunched up face at the mention of Ms. Dawes saying "Ruby". Rue replied, "Yes, I am. And could you call me Rue, please?" Ms. Dawes paused for a moment, and said, "Oh, sure thing." Rue was funny. She made me laugh. She looked at me, and smiled. I gave her a smirk. I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked so much like Julia, that I couldn't look away. I missed Julia. I missed seeing her smile, I missed her laugh. I missed everything about her, and this girl just gave me the feeling I got when I was around Julia. I shook the feeling away. I couldn't feel this way. I looked down at my desk, trying not to think about Julia, even though it was hard.

I heard whispering coming from behind me, coming from Clare. I didn't make out what she said, but I turned around and looked at her and Adam. Clare was looking at Adam, and her eyes seemed to glisten. I couldn't tell if water was coming to her eyes or not, but she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at Adam. I glanced at Adam, and he was looking at Clare. He shrugged his shoulders, and Clare turned back around, body facing towards the front of the classroom, her head bowed down, looking at her fingers. I looked back at Adam, and he was looking at me. His eyes whispered to me, "What are you doing?"


	4. Tears Fall Down

**Clares POV**

"Eli, the bell is about to ring! We need to get to English class!", I complained. Eli rolled his eyes as I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway, Eli a foot behind me, even though we were holding hands. The bell rang, and my hand squeezed Eli's hand. His muscular fingers rapped around mine, and it felt comforting. He started to speed up to my pace, walking along side of me. He knew I hated being late for class, and I appreciated he at least tried to get there quicker, since the bell rang. We dove to the right, into our English class. Eli slipped into his seat in front of me, and I sat in my seat behind him. I glanced at Adam, and he rolled his eyes. I just knew what he was thinking. "Late again". I smiled to myself. I was so happy to be with Eli.

He turned around to talk to me, and said, "See, Clare? I knew we'd make it without Ms. Dawes noticing us. We never get caught." I laughed and smiled at him, just thinking about all time times we were late to class because we were kissing, or he was surprising me with some interesting place i've never been to in the school. He usually did that a lot. He had only been at Degrassi for a couple months, and he already knew the best places to hang out.

"That's because we've had too much practice, sneaking into late classes. We need to break that habit, Eli." He have me one of his cute smirks, and turned around the face the front of the class. The second he did that, the door opened up, and in came the most beautiful I've ever seen. I looked at Eli, and saw that his eyes were huge, and his mouth was open a little bit. Was...was he checking her out? She held a piece of paper in her hand, and looked around the room as if she was a baby fish and we were all sharks that were going to tear her open and eat her. She looked away from all of us, and put her eyes on Ms. Dawes. I could see Eli staring her down, absolutely astonished by her beauty. I murmured to Eli, "Who is THAT?" I waited for a response, but nothing came from Eli. Not even a realization that I said anything at all. As if I wasn't even there. The girl took three steps towards Ms. Dawes, and cleared her throat to get the teachers attention. Ms. Dawes turned around, confused for a second, then probably realized who the girl was, and she started to speak.

"Are you Ruby Dobson?" Ruby shook her head yes, and Ms. Dawes turned towards to class to speak.

"Everybody, this is Ruby Dobson. She is a new student here at Degrassi, please make her feel welcome." She turned to face Ruby, and said to her, "You can go sit in the third row to the left, third seat from the back. Right next to Eli." I usually loved Ms. Dawes, but right now, I just wanted to run her over with Eli's hearse. I was cursing at myself, Ms. Dawes, Eli, and Ruby, inside of my head as I watched Ruby walk down the isle, with a smile planted on her perfect face. She plopped down in the set next to Eli, looked at him, and her smile grew wider. Ruby was also sitting in front of Adam, and Adam looked at Ruby like she was some sort of trash that blew his way.

"So, you must be Eli, right?" I grew furious as Ruby spoke to Eli. I've never been jealous like this before. It was just the way that Eli looked at Ruby. Her smile stayed on her face, and somehow it grew a little bit. To me she looked like she was a creeper, but to Eli she looked like she was a goddess. Eli responded, "And you must be Ruby." Her face scrunched up, and it made her look like a pig.

"Don't call me Ruby. Everyone calls me Rue. Except that teacher..." Just at that moment, Ms. Dawes says to Rue, "Ruby, are you familiar with Shakespeare?" Eli laughs when Rue tried to hide her ugly piggy face. Rue replied, "Yes, I am. And could you call me Rue, please?" Ms. Dawes looked at Rue for a moment, and said, "Oh, sure thing." I could tell by Eli's eyes, that he liked Rue. Something about her gave me the chills. She made me so mad and jealous with rage. Rue looked at Eli and smiled, he looked at her and gave her the cute smirk he always gave me. I fought the urge to cry, shots of pain went up and down my throat to try and keep my cries inside of me, my eyes stung trying to keep in the water. Then, Eli looked down at his desk, his eyes closed.

I turned to Adam, whispering, "What...what is Eli doing?" He could see the pain in my eyes, and I knew Adam just wanted to pain to go away. I could tell he knew how I felt. Eli turned around to look at me, then at Adam. Adam shrugged his shoulders, not even knowing what Eli was doing or why he was doing it. I turned to face the front of the classroom, head down, picking at my fingers, and let the tears fall down my face.


End file.
